Its the time of the year for reports.

There are about 4 pending assessment reports to complete but good thing is, i am finding writing reports a breeze now that i have found a knack for it. No more long-windy reports, nowadays my reports are more concise and at max, 6-7 pages (it used to be at least 10). Could be shorter still but it depends on my style that day.

Our clinicial supervisor has finally enlightened me about the point of writing psych reports which for the longest time, my previous head did not impart upon us. So I've always been writing a sort of a mixed up behavioural cum psychological report, that's not very clear on what's its objective. The initial change was also abit tough because i was drilled to write long descriptive reports about a child's behaviour and less so of the concise and evaluative report. What finally made sense? When the clinical supervisor asked us, "who is our targetted audience" for reading the report and "what's the purpose". Immediately it led me to think of all those literature essay i used to have to write.

I came from Arts and was in one of the best school with some of the best literature teachers in Singapore (IMHO). They were the ones that started me reading and writing critically about what i've read. I can imagine one of my lecturers rolling over in disgust if i were to show him my psych report now. "Bladderdash!" he would say and "what a load of rubbish!". "What points are you trying to make?", "Why are you such a long-winded gasbag?", "More words doesn't equate more sense!".

So much for good training.

Anyway, time to review and go back to thinking critically again. Good thing is, i am finding this more of a breeze compared to before where i have to constantly find things to justify and over-justify. I used to be proud with how i can write long flowy reports. Now, i find it enjoyable to be succint and make each sentence a professional evaluative one. I still need to improve as i go along but at least i feel that this time, i am moving in the right direction. Funny, how it took me so long to understand what should have been inherent. Guess my brain wasn't quite functioning the way it is supposed to.

二零零七年十月一日的我。

很久没上这播客来了。
近期的我，很没劲，很没心情做任何事。
有一种被约束的感觉。
是一种心灵与身体都被捆绑的压迫感。。。
真让人纳闷！

我有时会搞不清自己究竟想些什么，在干些什么。
日子一天一天的从我的思绪里变得越来越没有目的。
我甚至怀疑我到底是否还记得我自己是谁，自己的梦想是什么。
我想我应该已经忘了。
连自己的日子该这么过都不记得了。

以往不断努力找寻的个人天堂，我还有影像吗？
那种带着无限倔强，理想，抱负，一直不停的相信paradise就在前方的我到哪里去了？

还记得吗？
还想着吗？
停止了吗？
放弃了吗？

一个古老的传说：
梦想还没被遗忘前是能给于拥有它的个人一种无限的力量。而且每个人都能很容易的拥有梦想。可是一旦把梦想遗忘了，就很难的能把它得会来。

被人们遗忘的梦想都没有消失。它们只是象冬眠的花朵，一个个沉睡在遥远的冰雪天国的一所城堡里，等着一个人带着一丝的阳光来把它们从沉睡中唤醒。

那是一个艰辛的旅程，必须越过无数的高山流水，抵挡着极度的寒冷与危险。很多人都在失去梦想后，又在想找回它的路途里，受不了而遗失了自己。很少人能在跌倒后，再爬起来继续他们的旅途找回自己的梦想。这是因为这是神给与人们的一种处罚，一种考验。让人们意识到保护自己梦想的重要性，体会到拥有梦想的可贵。

我的梦想还在吗？

Nevermore!

I swear this will be the last time i help out the organization's training & consultancy thing to do training. Not to 'rubbish' their efforts or anything, but i seriously don't have that much of a good impression of them. Perhaps the unit is too small but the fact that they are trying to 'sell' themselves sometimes make me ask if they 知不知道天高地厚。给我一种口花花的感觉。很wayang.

Back to the training. Supposed to be an easy thing since all the materials/videos are there and the powerpoints etc. I was only to deliver it since F is "unavailable". Seems F's on leave but something that L said also made me wondered if they wanted someone else to do it this time. I hate working 'with' F because of her tardiness in work, being undependable and the flowery language. Took a while for F to send me the powerpoints san videos. F said to send me the video clips etc by the weekend but still nothing on monday. Turned out that she was on leave and in Sentosa. Well, nobody told me. Admin had to hound her for me and when the clips finally came, the footage is unbelievably OLD. The child in the clip has already graduated 2 years ago and the psychologist has quit 5 years ago. I swear the clip was before MY time. I can't believe F has been using these for the training for so long.

The powerpoints' materials needed tweaking too. Too 'showy' and you have to dig for the substance. Bottomline, i am not sure if it will meet up to current needs at all. So much for "just need to deliver". I had to come up with new games, new format of organizing the training and reschedule the sequence just 2 days before (by the time i was confirmed to do this and chasing people for the material, i am almost suppose to be up there already) because i don't want to be up there and get shot as a lousy trainer due to bad materials. Anyway, the training facilities sucked. 30 people crowded into one tiny room the size of my HDB living room. No wonder everyone rated logistics badly.

Next week's part II will be just my stuff i think. I told admin to trash the handouts because I refused to 'own' those materials. Maybe that's why L wanted me to do it, these people seriously need to get in touch with the ground work again and refresh their materials ASAP. And they are still out there training teachers. I doubt i am that fantastic a trainer but frankly, i wouldn't want to sit for their training as a trainee at all. I may not be a good speaker, but one edge i definitely have over them is that i am more in tune with what's happening with the subject matter. Any Tom, Dick or Harry can train from a textbook. Sure, if you can 'perform' from textbook scripts well, you probably don't get that bad a critique but the audience today are a discerning bunch. You got to do more then 'read from the text' well... you jolly well have to know what the heck you are talking about. The true test is always the Q & A, i've seen the rubbish people do at Q & A where the trainers don't even understand the questions and concerns, hence just sweep those aside. Some would just altogether skip this part.

So my opinion is to these people... get back into the game people! Don't just wear a nice suit/dress and stand infront of people talking AS IF you know what's happening out there. Go into the classrooms. Work with a child. Talk to parents. Talk to the teachers. Try implementing those things that you have said THEN come back and tell me that what's you are saying is truly reflecting current reality and needs of the people. And for godsakes... get some NEW video clips!